With Gratitude Comes Joy - Can't stop reading!

Tonight I have a very heavy heart...not in a bad way, just in an overwhelming way. Mainly, it is because I have finally made myself sit down and read even just a little bit of this amazing book. I have mentioned it in a previous post and I would recommend absolutely everyone to read it. Everyone!

It is called "One Thousand Gifts: Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are" by Ann Voskamp. It is a Christian book, however, you could definitely benefit from it as a Non-Christian as well. This woman shares a wonderful story that anyone (christian, non-christian, young, old, male, female, you name it) would be inspired, cry, and not be able to stop reading.

I promise to try to keep this short so please read - an update on Celia will come toward the end :) This post is not solely about this book, but about my personal journey with Celia in relation to the book as well. I will try to not give too much away either because you must read it!

I will warn you that this is not a mushy-gushy feel-good book. It is the raw feelings of tragedy and darkness and gratefulness and death and love all at the same time. This woman experienced, at the pure and innocent age of four, something that most of us will never ever go through in a lifetime. She reveals the exact scene, her feelings, her struggle...and her... gratefulness? How could someone be grateful in time of tragedy. She will explain that grateful is what she was not for so many years, but grace is what saved her life. 

She reveals another scene involving her beloved brother-inlaw. He experiences tragedy with his own child, actually...children (much like how close we came with Celia, so it hit home to me). She explains how, as she was going through ungratefulness and bitterness and loneliness, her husbands brother was so grateful in his time of darkness. She did not get it. Not until later. 

If you are wondering, "Why do bad things happen?" Or even yet, "Why do bad things happen to 'good' people?" "Why me?" "Why you?"

I hope you find the answer in this book.

Please stay with me and read these parts of the book, which all come from the same page (I just did not want to make you read the entire page). Page 40:

"Thanksgiving - giving thanks in everything - prepares the way that God might show us His fullest salvation in Christ...."

"Thanksgiving - giving thanks in everything - is what prepares the way for salvation's whole restoration. Our salvation in Christ is real, yet that completeness of salvation is not fully realized in a life until the life realizes the need to give thanks. In Everything?" 

"All those years I was saved and had said my yes to God, but was really living the no. Was it because I had never experienced the whole of my salvation? Had never lived out the fullest expression of my salvation in Christ? Because I wasn't taking everything in my life and returning it to Jesus, falling at His feet and thanking Him. I sit still, blinded. This is why I sat all those years in church but my sole holes had never fully healed."

I enlarged that specific print to point out that I have been a Christian my entire life. I went to church, and I have truly, truly believed and wanted to live for Christ. However, I was "really living the no", especially in High School. 

I say, especially in high school, because it was then that it was my decision to choose my own path. The path of Christ was possible, but difficult. I made horrible decisions. I gossiped a lot. I had a horrible attitude. I hurt others in many different ways. Yet, I was still a Christian. So that is what I mean: "I said my yes to God, but was really living the no."

After high school, I moved away from a lot of negativity, mostly negativity that I created. I wanted a chance to actually live out my Christian life. I still was not fully living it out. I knew something was missing, but I didn't know what. I prayed and I read the bible and I attended church and I listened to Joyce Meyer online every single day. 

Then Celia came.

Now time for some heavy-hearted, late-night rambling:

She put my life into perspective quickly. Most children do. They have a way of taking the selfishness from you. Celia had a way of taking my attention, and giving it all to God (well, and her of course) :) .

When you have this beautiful, perfect child of your own placed in front of you for the very first time... you are nothing, but grateful. Throw a little tragedy in there and some people may not know what to think. I will not tell you that I "knew" Celia was going to be okay, but I was at peace with whatever was going to happen. 

When I was still pregnant and when we just found out about the fact that Celia's intestines where out - not in - I put her on a prayer chain with the radio station 107.1 online. I received an email every day that someone had prayed for her. I still receive them sometimes and it puts a smile to my face.

I also had a random lady, who sat next to me at a Woman of Faith Conference, give me a meaningfully long hug at the end, "I will be praying for you and your baby," she said. This instantly made me want to cry. The speaker of the conference lost her own child due to a birth defect. She asked everyone who had lost a child (a miscarriage or after birth) to stand. The lady who sat next to me, who gave me a hug at the end, stood. 

I knew Celia was in good hands, she was in the Lord's hands no matter if she lived a couple hours, months, or days. She would be in good hands dead (in the flesh) or alive. I was thankful for every moment. I was surprised at myself. 

Never in a million years would I think to be thankful for that situation. I would have expected to be bitter and angry and extremely depressed. But when I saw Celia, I saw God. I knew he had plans for her and for Alex and I no matter what. I am so thankful that He showed Alex and I that peace while accepting His will. Otherwise, we would not have been able to enjoy her despite the short life that we thought she would live.

I can honestly say that in all the 20 years of my relationship with God...I had never known FOR SURE that God was truly with me. I mean, I knew it, but I had never felt it. But trust me, I felt the presence of God for sure during that time. Thankfully, my faith will never be the same.

I believe that Celia was the first step to a life long process with my own faith. She is God's little girl and I will make sure that His will is done for her, better yet, He will make sure of that....I will just try to assist. It has taught me that seemingly bad things may happen to 'good people' and to Christians and to me. Celia's situation also taught us that life is short. Never ever ever ever stop praying. God is good, in the bad times and in the good times, in sickness and in health, in life and in death. It has taught me to be thankful for everything, to give thanks to God every single day. Even for poop! :)

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Celia will be 6 months old on February 28th. I cannot wait to give her her first bite of "real" food then. Her ear infection is cleared! She is over 11 lbs. She is getting smarter and stronger every day. And she can "rock herself" in her bouncy chair. Yay:

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Please pray for my sister and for my sister in-law. They are both pregnant and due this summer! Pray that they have an easy pregnancy and birth and that God will have his hand on their babies. My sister in-law has had a baby in the NICU before; and this is my sister's first pregnancy. I pray that they will have full-term/healthy babies. I pray that they will have a special time come the birth. I am so so so excited for Celia to have 2 more cousins :)